I belong to that classification of people known as men. I am A man. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a single man.

　　Not too long ago a female friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a broken date—she dumped her boy friend.She is looking for another boy friend now. As I thought about her while I was surfing the Internet one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a boy friend. Why do I want a boy friend? I would like to go back to school so that I can become academically more successful, be smarter, and, if need be, make my boy friend stupid. I want a boy friend who will work and drive me to school every day. And while I am going to school I want him to sms me every five minutes telling me that he misses me. I want a boy friend to call me ten times a day that he needs me. I want a boy friend who will turn whatever inundating sensations about me into words, and he must fax, telegram, mail and email them to me. He should be quite skilled with computer so that he is fond of making those sweet words into fancy and touching designs by taking advantage of his fascinating skills with Photoshop, 3Dmax, Maya, Illustrator, Freehand, CorelDraw, Macromedia Flash, and Adobe Director and Premier. His expression of his love must be manifested through enhanced multemedia technology that thrills all female creatures on this planet, but should only be directed my sole private way! He must tell me that he is the second happiest being on Earth because I am the happiest one.

　　I want a boy friend who will take are of my physical needs. I want a boy friend who will be always around when I need to carry anything heavier than two kilograms. I am physically able to do that myself, but I need a boy friend to show that he cares for me and he must appreciate doing that. I want a boy friend who enjoys going shopping with me as a bagman—carrying all the bags filled with my shopping triumphs. He won't go looking here and there for his things but follow me wherever I go. He will not complain but rather smile at me and ask if I am feeling tired. And If I am exhausted from walking, he will offer his walking shoes to me, and he wears my high-heel shoes himself. When we go home, he will be honored to carry me up the stairs on his back. As I am learning and he is working for income, he should have the convenience and be happy to pick me up from school every day. I need a boy friend to wait for me at the door of my classroom so that all my classmates are jealous of me having such a handsome boy friend.

　　I want a boy friend who will financially support me. A boy friend who is financially well-off in the first place. To put it straight, he will have over seven digits in his bank savings account. He has a car and a nice house. I want a boy friend who will never care about spending money on me, and who will see to it that all my demands are filled, be it new dresses, nice purses, exquisite stylish shoes, or the most cutting-edge digital products. I want a boy friend who will be generous to financially support my family. A boy friend who will give 10,000 yuan to my mother and 5,000 yuan at least to my father at any given holiday. Whenever he goes to my family, he will buy expensive gifts; whenever it comes to any of those meaningful days, he will buy me nice dresses or jewelries. On Valentine's Day, he will always remember to buy me a diamond ring. Yes, I need different size, shape and feel of diamond rings, so one piece every Valentine's Day is a must.

　　I want a boy friend who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a boy friend's duties. But I want a boy friend who will listen to me when I feel like talking about my female friends, female stars or just any minor issues that happen around me. And I want a boy friend who will always concentrate on listening to me talking about those things. A boy friend that will understand that I am not interested in machines, technology or cultural/historical knowledge, and therefore never attempt to talk about computers, DVD players, cars, HTML language, or ask me questions like which year Emperor Qian Long was born and which year he died.

　　I want a boy friend who will enjoy being obedient to me in front of my friends. A boy friend who never complains when I show him off to my friends, family members and relatives.

　　Sometimes I will intentionally humiliate him by laughing at his physical shortcomings such as his being too short, too bad-looking, too old, bald-headed, or too fat. He will happily accept that I am not trying to disgrace him, but rather enjoy him as a family member myself, and I am proud of him being so inferior to me, such a pretty and elegant woman people call snowwhite! I want a boy friend who will always be appreciative of whatever I say and do. He will enjoy being my slave listening to my orders; he will feel uneasy if I turn to him gloomy or angry; he will try every way he can to make me smile. For him, what life is all about is TO MAKE ME HAPPY.

　　I want a boy friend who is sensitive to my sexual needs. A boy friend who will make love passionately and eagerly when I feel like, and a boy friend who never asks for sex if I am not in the mood. I want a boy friend who always takes a good care of me when I am in MC, and never even gives me a sexual hint at that critical time. I want a boy friend who will hate oral sex and always work the traditional way. But he will be swift to change to whatever pleases my needs.I want a boy friend who will remember to use condom each time without my reminding. A boy friend who will never go to sleep immediately after a hot sex, and who will talk with me for whatever hours I see fit.

　　I want a boy friend who will be completely, unconditionally faithful to one woman solely on this planet, and that's ME! He will not look at any female critters between the age of 10 and 80. Even though some promiscuous women try to seduce, I want a boy friend who will remain cool, not even smiling at them. I want a boy friend who feels guilty even his eyesight have an inevitable contact with another woman's eyesight, and he will tell me that he has sinned and beg for my forgiveness. And I want a boy friend who understands that my romantic needs may entail more than strict adherence to one-boy-friend only. I must, after all, be able to relate to more excellent men as fully as possible.

　　If, by chance, I find another man more suitable as a boy friend than the boy friend I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present boy friend with another one.Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my boy friend will silently walk away, and take with thim everything thatbelongs to him so that I can start my new life free of his influence. And when I am with a new boy friend, my ex boy friend will still love me and wait for me to change mind.

　　My God, who wouldn't want a boy friend?

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（实习编辑：高奕飞）