How to survive a Long-distance relationship

　　该篇文章来自于一位会说中文的英国人---混血Laura，她是英国Promise Corp有限公司的初级顾问，曾喜欢在自己的微信平台上答疑解惑，搜集网友的各类生活学习情感问题，之后给出相应的建议。有位网友曾向她发问：Hey, Laura, would you please give any piece of advice on long-distance relationship? 之后Laura结合她曾做过的research以及个人经历，给出了如下建议。这些都是绝好恋爱指南，值得大家好好学习哦!

　　1. 100% Trust

　　The first and most important condition for any long-distance relationship is trust. When you and your partner are in different places, a lot of the time you do not know what the other person is doing, so you need to be able to believe that your partner is not messing about. If anything has ever happened in your relationship to make you suspicious of your partner, e.g. they flirted with or kissed someone else, then do not even attempt an LDR (long-distance relationship), as you will go crazy with worry and jealousy and it will most certainly end badly.

　　百分之百的信任肯定是前提，Laura说如果做不到完全信任你的partner，随时都在猜疑对方，那么你真的不适合异地恋。

　　Language Notes：

　　Mess about/around with somebody: to have a sexual relationship with somebody, especially when you should not.

　　因为Laura是英国人，所以她使用的是英式用法mess about。还有一个短语跟它有类似的意思，就是fool around with somebody，例如：She’s been fooling around with a married man.

　　Crazy: very angry

　　大家第一次接触这个形容词的时候，可能它的意思是“疯掉的，失去理智的”，但是它在口语里更常见的两个意思还有“十分生气”和“对某事物充满激情”。例如：

　　That noise is driving me crazy.

　　He went crazy, and smashed the room up.

　　The crowd went crazy when the band came on stage.

　　You’re so beautiful you’re driving me crazy.

　　2. Build Closeness across the Distance

　　A big threat in LDR is the physical distance turning into an emotional distance. When you and your partner are far away from each other and do not share your lives, it is very easy to grow apart and fall out of love. There are a few actions you both can take to work against this happening.

　　“距离产生美”这句俗话，有的时候在异地恋情侣这里不是很好用哦。所以Laura给出了一些做法来打败因距离而产生的隔阂。

　　Language Notes:

　　grow apart: to stop having a close relationship with somebody over a period of time. 例如：

　　As we got older we just grew apart.

　　Since moving to London, he’s grown apart from many of his friends.

　　2.1 Regular Communication

　　The absolute key is regular communication. I speak with my husband every single day multiple times, usually we video chat in the evening and during the day we send some messages via apps. Whenever anything exciting or bad happens, he is the first person I will message (or call if possible) and this way he stays involved in my life. Many LDRs I know started out fine and then suddenly communication got less and less until it was only once a week. If this is happening to you, you need to ask yourself (and your partner) if the relationship is over, as you two are obviously drifting apart.

　　保持联络是关键，让对方参与到自己的生活，分享快乐和喜悦。

　　Language Notes:

　　drift apart：to become less friendly or close to somebody，“渐渐疏远”，例如：

　　As children we were very close, but as we grew up we just drifted apart.

　　2.2 Do Things Together Apart

　　The best way to keep that emotional connection is by doing things together, even if you are not in the same place. Video chat is a godsend for this. For example, you can cook together using video chat, each person making their own meal. Or you can both agree to watch your favorite TV shows at the same time. I think it is a great idea, though we have not yet done that, because it creates that normality of when you were living together.

　　Another great option is falling asleep together, or one of you falling asleep while the other stares at them creepily, haha. We have done this a few times and I have to say it is magical. It creates a really strong bond. Watching my husband sleep away peacefully like an innocent little baby is one of the most gratifying experiences video chat has to offer.

　　Finally, you can create a new bond by learning something new together, something that you can share and ideally it is connected to online. I have not done this before but I think it is a great idea and I now plan on learning Cantonese with my husband to test this out. He recently moved to Shenzhen and I have been wanting to continue my Cantonese classes for a while now. Let’s see how that goes!

　　借助科技的力量，跟自己的另一半在两个空间做同样的事情，听着就很浪漫不是么!

　　Language Notes：

　　Godsend: something good that happens unexpectedly and helps somebody/ something when they need help. 我们可以理解为“天赐之物”，例如：

　　This new benefit has come as a godsend for low-income families.

　　Bond: something that forms a connection between people or groups, such as a feeling of friendship or shared ideas and experiences. 例如：

　　A bond of friendship had been forged between them.

　　The bond between mother and child is really special.

　　3. When you Meet

　　Of course it goes without saying that you should meet your partner in person as often as possible within your financial possibilities. If you are in the same province you might be able to meet every two weeks, same country maybe once a month. If you are on different continents it obviously gets trickier than that. When you do meet, make sure to keep a few things in mind.

　　异地恋也得常见面啊!不然恋着恋着就变成最熟悉的陌生人了……

　　3.1 Prioritize Your Partner

　　Your partner has just come all the way to meet you and the two of you only have a limited amount of time together. You have to prioritize spending time with your partner over anything else. After all there is nothing more frustrating than taking a plane to see someone only to be told “Honey, I am hanging out with my friends tonight. See you later.” That might be the last time Honey comes to see you, my friend. Don’t waste people’s time like that.

　　只要你的另一半跋山涉水来找你，Ta就一定得是你的first priority，别的啥都不好使!

　　3.2 Be Realistic

　　When you are unable to spend a lot of time together you often expect the little time you have to be super exciting and magical. Like a Disney movie. All fireworks and Happily Ever After. In reality, that is rarely the case. You are just human and very likely you will disagree on something or other. Going into these meetings with unrealistic expectations can set the bar too high and cause disappointment and unnecessary conflict.

　　不要有不切实际的幻想，这样希望越大，失望越大哦!

　　Language Notes：

　　Set the bar: to set a standard of quality or performance.“设定标准”，例如：

　　The show really sets the bar for artistic invention.

　　Sofia sets the bar very high for what she expects of herself.

　　3.3 Build Rituals

　　Actually, rather than planning an amazing bombastic meeting, you should be focusing on building rituals. For example, you always go to have lunch at that same restaurant the first day after you arrive in your partner’s town. This creates a routine and a feeling that you are still a “regular couple”, and gives you a sense of security and familiarity.

　　要跟partner之间约定一个见面后的惯例，这样可以给对方安全感哦!

　　4. Appreciate the Advantages

　　I personally believe that the attitude with which you go into the LDR makes a huge difference. If all you are thinking is about how your partner is so far away and how lonely you are and how little you see each other, you will make yourself unhappy. Instead, enjoy the free time and space that you have now gained. Take up new hobbies; rediscover yourself as an individual person. Meet new people and expand your network.

　　By leading an independent life and becoming a more interesting person you will become even more attractive to your partner as well. After all, would you rather date the exciting person who paints or runs marathons in their free time and keeps telling you funny stories about their friends, OR the mopey, sad depressed person who sits at home just waiting for your call to tell you how unhappy they are?

　　异地恋的情侣，要有独立的人格，不要过分依赖对方，把另一半当成是自己的全部世界。把自己变成更有趣的人，远方的Ta才会对你爱不释手。

　　Language Notes：

　　Take up: to learn or start to do something, especially for pleasure. 例如：

　　They’ve taken up golf.

　　She has taken up the oboe. = She started to learn to play the oboe.

　　5. Make Plans for the Future

　　Finally, while I do believe LDRs can work with the right mind-set, they should ideally be only a temporary solution rather than a long-term situation. In order to give both of you the mental strength to pull this off, you need to have a finish line.

　　Make plans for the future, this will bring you closer together and show your partner that you are taking this seriously. This will also help in motivating you as it will give you a goal to work towards, e.g. if you are studying, after graduation the two of you can be together.

　　异地恋的两个人，千万不要忘记要为未来打算啊!让双方都有努力的奔头，相信在未来的某个时间，两个人就会团圆了!

　　Language Notes:

　　Pull something off: to succeed in doing something difficult. 例如：

　　We pulled off the deal.

　　I never thought you’d pull it off.

　　Most of all, stay positive and talk. Talk lots. Not just about how your day was but about thoughts, feelings, and wishes for the future. I know many men are not keen on this but it is really important. Trust me.

　　Good luck! You can bridge the distance!

　　一定要聊天，不是“你吃了么”那种没营养的，而是要真的交心的聊天，这样才能保证即便两个人在不同的地方分别成长，也可以保持同样的价值观和奋斗目标。

　　希望此文可以帮助跟鼓励到正身处异地恋的孩子们。当然，要是觉得里面的意见不适合你，咱们也可以顺便跟Laura学学英文嘛。

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