How many times have you found yourself at a networking event, only to feel like you're at a networking event?

　　曾经有多少次，你发现自己在一个社交活动的场合，结束后也觉得自己仅仅是参加了一次社交活动?

　　I'll let you in on a little secret: These aren't the events where real networking is taking place.

　　我给你透露一点点秘密吧：这些都不是能够真正建立社交关系的活动。

　　I don't go to netw

orking events.

　　我本人就不参加任何社交活动。

　　I don't attend things that require me to put on a "Hello, My Name Is" name tag.

　　我不会参加那些让我给出名片然后说“你好，我的名字是……”的活动。

　　I rarely attend big conferences with keynote speakers that spend 45 minutes talking about how you "just have to hustle" and "marketing is all about great content," with absurd ticket prices that promise you will rub shoulders with "all the right people."

　　我几乎不参加那些大型的会议，主讲人花上45分钟谈论“你就该奔波劳碌”以及“市场营销就是要求好的内容”，入场门票价格贵得荒谬，保证你会耸耸肩说“这就是最合适的人们啊”。

　　I've tried these avenues, and they are always one-way streets toward the same disappointing destination.

　　这些方法我都试过了，并且最终都通往同一个让人失望的方向。

　　Real networking happens here instead:

　　相反，真正的社交联系会在这些场合建立起来：

　　It happens in backyards and exclusive dinners.

　　在后院和单独晚餐的过程中。

　　Private meet-ups and friends getting together for drinks.

　　私人会面以及与朋友一起喝东西的时候。

　　Real networking happens when a friend introduces you to a friend.

　　真正的社交建立在朋友向你介绍新朋友的时候发生。

　　And then that friend introduces you to a new group of people.

　　然后那位朋友向你介绍许多新的陌生人。

　　And then in that new group of people, you make a new friend.

　　然后在那些陌生人中，你交到了一位新朋友。

　　And on and on and on...

　　然后不断循环……

　　99% of people don't approach networking this way. Here's why:

　　但是99%的人都不会通过这种方式建立人际关系。下面为你解释其中的原因：

　　People lack patience.

　　人们缺乏耐心。

　　They wear their desperation on their sleeves, and approach networking in a way that immediately reveals their true intentions. They don't want to get to know you, or learn about what it is you do and how they can truly help.

　　他们不敢直白地表达他们有多么渴望，以一种能够直接透露真实动机的形式接触社交。他们不想了解你本人，也不想了解你所做的事情以及他们真正能够帮助他人的方法。

　　What they want is to pitch their business. What they want is you to give them something.

　　他们想要的只是为自己的生意穿针引线，他们只是想你给他们某些好处。

　　This is such a short-sighted approach to building your network.

　　这是一个目光短浅的方法去建立人际关系。

　　The reason big networking events fail is because everyone that attends tends to operate from the same script. Meaningful conversations aren't taking place—just two people with business cards in their hands, giving their pitches back and forth. And then what happens? Both parties nod, smile, say, "Well, it wasgreat connecting with you. I'll shoot you an email and let's go from there."

　　大型社交活动的失败原因在于，每一个参与的人都倾向于用同样的方法去实践。有意义的对话不会发生——仅仅是两个人带着商务名片，不断交换。然后会发生什么事情?双方都点头微笑，说“嗯，很高兴能够与您联系，我会给您发送邮件然后详谈。”

　　And then nothing happens.

　　然后，就没有然后了。

　　Because people like to do business with people they like, people they trust, and people they know through other friends and shared connections.

　　因为人们都喜欢与自己喜欢的，信任的以及从其他朋友和共同联系人了解的人们打交道。

　　This is the 1 rule you should follow instead, if you want to build a powerful network for yourself:

　　这里有一条你应该遵循的法则，如果你想要为自己建立强而有力的人际关系网的话：

　　Make friends, not connections.

　　交朋友，而不是建立联系。

　　At the end of the day, I would rather work with someone I genuinely connect with, over working with someone who treats me like a vendor.

　　结果，我宁可与那些真诚联系的人们一起工作，而不是和那些把我当贩卖机的人共事。

　　And so would everybody else.

　　没错，其他人也一样。

　　When you're building your network, look for the situations that are going to allow you to make friends—even if they're business friends. Small settings do well. Friends of friends and e-mail introductions go a long way. Whatever you do, just keep the focus on making meaningful connections, instead of throwing your business cards all over the floor and hoping someone with a name tag picks one up.

　　当你建立自己的人际关系网，你要认清那些允许你交朋友的情况——即使他们只是商务合作的伙伴。虽短小却精悍。朋友们的朋友，电子邮件介绍都能长远地保持联系。不管你做什么，要专注于建立有意义的联系，而不是把你的商务名片扔得满地都是然后希望某个人捡起来。

　　It might seem like a slower process, but what you'll end up with is a strong circle of people you trust—instead of a Rolodex with a bunch of people who don't return your calls.

　　虽然这看起来过程会很缓慢，但是你最终你会建立起一个你信任的强壮的人际圈子——而不是存满了一盒不会回复你的人的名片。